Obama to Ahmadinejad: I Will Charm All the Crazy Right Out of You

Flickr: Hamed Saber

Leadership in Iran and D.C. are currently caught in the middle of shooting a sequel to the ’80s arm-wrestling Stallone classic Over the Top. Ok, maybe this version is a little more eloquent and less sweaty, but Sly needs every plug he can get these days.

Obama, in his interview with an Arab TV network, said he would be willing to engage Iran if its loony leaders will “unclench its fist.”

“I’ve already told you there are no homosexuals in the Islamic Republic of Iran!” Ahmadinejad initially replied before an aid whispered something in his ear and he continued, “That is to say – America is the one that must unclench its fist.”

He then went on to list a number of American transgressions against Iran covering the last fifty years, from the CIA operation to re-install the Shah and the shooting down of a civilian airliner to the creation of Crystal Pepsi and the plot to turn Iranian youth into “Zionist faggots” through the use of subliminal messages hidden in episodes of Sesame Street and Angelina Jolie’s tatoos.

For its part, the O-town express has apparently been working on drafts of a letter to the Iranian people and leadership since November to thaw American-Iranian relations, or at least make them coherent. The letter will apparently make clear that the administration does not seek regime change, but rather a change in behavior and a request that Ahmadinejad really try hard to stick to his medication this time and “if you hand over that enriched uranium, old buddy, old pal, you can have all the Jello you want, as much as you want, anytime. Sure, of course, even grape. That’s a good boy, now just slip your arms into this jacket with the pretty straps and buckles for me.”

The State Department is also reportedly preparing a shipment of one million Barbie dolls wearing Korean military uniforms for Kim Jong-Il.

The Real Story from the Guardian


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