Gregg Chucks Commerce Job, Charlie Brown Next in Line

“Happy Fucking Valentine’s Day, Barack – I’m Outta Here. Have fun with your two concubines from Maine and that slut Specter, you two-timing transformational messianic hunk! You told me I’d be your only true elephant! Oh God – it hurts, oh it hurts…” Judd Gregg began his press conference to announce that he was giving back the 24-karat cabinet post he received from Barry beneath the Lincoln Memorial.

“I should have known this wouldn’t work out,” Gregg continued. “He was just coming out of a bad relationship with his last cute Latin secretary – the one from New Mexico. I’m sure he’s got Val Kilmer or someone else in line already.”

Obama later signaled his choice to replace Gregg with text message to a staffer:

“Lucy – Gregg’s Out. I say Fuck it, call Chuck Brown. Let him kick that ball so he doesn’t think were fucking with his head again.”

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