The (North) American Report: Obama’s Lessons from the North

President Obama made his first visit to a foreign country today and as was the tradition until our last President, he went to Canada. I know some of you just refer to it as America’s helmet, but our fate is tied to yours – and with that in mind here is what President Obama must always keep in mind about the True North:

  1. -We can take Grand Forks any time we want.
  2. -Pamela Anderson may or may not be a secret agent who will lead a Canadian take over of the US. (Seriously who would your soldiers listen to, their general or Pam topless?)
  3. -If you go all isolationist we’ll stop the laughter. Can you name a comedian who isn’t Canadian? Wrong. Jeff Foxworthy is from Newfoundland.
  4. -Global warming won’t defeat us it will only make us angry.
  5. -We’re glad you can’t name all the provinces, it makes it easier for us to hide.
  6. -How do you get a 100 drunk Canadians out of the pool? Say, “Hey Canadians out of the pool.”
  7. -Not only is our beer stronger than yours our deer are stronger than yours.
  8. -High sticking isn’t just a major penalty it is a way of life.

– Renny MacKay


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