Posts Tagged ‘economy’
Courtesy of addictinggames.com, it’s “Trillion Dollar Bailout” – the easiest way to slap a CEO. But don’t worry, we’re still on for that cross-country looting and burning tour of Circuit City stores…
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Kit Bond, the Republican U.S. Senator from Missouri once thought to be a specialty brand of adhesive for model airplane enthusiasts, is apparently still sniffing the good shit.When it comes to the stimulus plan, this good ol’ boy is having his cake, eating it, and sending a flaming pile of resultant crap out through his flaks. Continue Reading »
To commemorate the historic signing of the $787 billion economic stimulus plan, the Dow hit a ten-year low as millions of Americans cried tears of an unknown emotive origin, but it sure tastes a little bit like apocalyptic malaise…
While the world continued to derail unabated, we do at least have another new website to play with until the bank comes for our homes and our sperm. Continue Reading »
The ballad of O-Town is a simple one: nation falls in love with boy, but boy has to compete for nation’s love and affection as she is constantly distracted by Tommy, Timmy and that fucker Dow Jones. Boy refuses to give up, after all friendship isn’t enough because he knows he’s our soulmate, and he’s willing to go to the ends of the earth, or at least to Peoria, to prove it. Bush had Rove, this President has the wisdom of O-Town:
The hits keep coming for the poor Prez – with his stimulus package finally passing the senate with only 61 votes, you’d think a grateful nation would be FedExing ice cream cakes from all over the country, but noooo – instead the focus of the day remained on Treasury Sec. Tim Geithner’s new bank bailout plan, leaving Timbo in need of a bailout himself after stocks tumbled in response to the plan’s lack of detail. On the bright side, Michelle is on the cover of Vogue – suck on that, investors of the world! Continue Reading »
- #10 – Um, jobs for people who don’t work in construction, maybe.
- #9 – Puppies! But not those Mexico City strays that still have their balls – we’re talking cute as hell fully-castrated Labs! Soft and cuddly will kick the shit out of any global financial catastrophe.
- #8 – Omaha Steaks – let’s see them try and outsource that American classic! What’s that? Oh, really – Argentina, huh? Didn’t save them from economic ruin twice in 15 years, you say? Ok, maybe White Castle, then. Continue Reading »
When the times get tough, those who want to seem tough go to Indiana. Is there a more hard-working, blue-collar, down-to-earth, Cougar Mellencampy, Footloose state out there? The Hoosier state is stump speech heaven, which is why Obama went there Monday to avoid a premature political death. As if that weren’t enough, Obama went on primetime TV to address the nation, again. Someone should tell the President we’re all watching Hulu now. Continue Reading »
“You guys are all pricks, we’re going camping, and this time you’re not invited!” President Obama shouted as he climbed into Marine One for his first trip to Camp David for the weekend, after his attempt at shiny, happy bipartisanship went down in flames and Mitch McConnell and Nancy Pelosi continued into the 79th hour of their Ultimate Fighting Championship death match in the banquet room of the National Press Club. Pelosi’s mastery of the ancient Bhutanese art of Qiang Gong has been impressive, but the steel rod in McConnell’s leg has proven to be a valuable weapon. Continue Reading »
He’s a busy boy, our Barry. On Thursday #44 created the office of faith-based initiatives – and this time it’ll actually do more than teach kids that sex is evil in all forms until you’re married. Welcome to the age of faith-based fornication! Oh wait, apparently that’s not quite what it’s about either… We’ll have to get back to you on that one. Let’s see what else… Looks like BO also had a little problem involving his labor nominee and some tax problems. Maybe just throw that one over there with the others, we’re all spent on tax evasion jokes (can we deduct that expense?)… Finally, the Prez wrapped up his day with his first flight on Air Force One to a Democratic conference where he beat down Republicans with his hopestick. Continue Reading »
After taking a seatless bicycle to the nuts from the media and Tom Daschle’s accountant on Tuesday, Barack Obama woke up today and was comforted to remember that his ball point pen is the most powerful in the world. So he used it to give health insurance to 4 million children and take away millions of dollars from inept, infuriatingly-arrogant-with-a-sense-of-entitlement-that-makes-the-kids-on-the-Real-Housewives-of-Orange-County-seem-like-fucking-Tiny-Tim Wall Street executives. He also did that cool thing where he rolled it from finger to finger over his knuckles. Then he pulled a quarter out of Barney Frank’s ear. Continue Reading »