Posts Tagged ‘stimulus’

Flickr: craigmdennis

Kit Bond, the Republican U.S. Senator from Missouri once thought to be a specialty brand of adhesive for model airplane enthusiasts, is apparently still sniffing the good shit.When it comes to the stimulus plan, this good ol’ boy is having his cake, eating it, and sending a flaming pile of resultant crap out through his flaks. Continue Reading »


To commemorate the historic signing of the $787 billion economic stimulus plan, the Dow hit a ten-year low as millions of Americans cried tears of  an unknown emotive origin, but it sure tastes a little bit like apocalyptic malaise…

While the world continued to derail unabated, we do at least have another new website to play with until the bank comes for our homes and our sperm. Continue Reading »

LA Times

LA Times

The hits keep coming for the poor Prez – with his stimulus package finally passing the senate with only 61 votes, you’d think a grateful nation would be FedExing ice cream cakes from all over the country, but noooo – instead the focus of the day remained on Treasury Sec. Tim Geithner’s new bank bailout plan, leaving Timbo in need of a bailout himself after stocks tumbled in response to the plan’s lack of detail. On the bright side, Michelle is on the cover of Vogue – suck on that, investors of the world! Continue Reading »

  • #10 – Um, jobs for people who don’t work in construction, maybe.
  • #9 – Puppies! But not those Mexico City strays that still have their balls – we’re talking cute as hell fully-castrated Labs! Soft and cuddly will kick the shit out of any global financial catastrophe.
  • #8 – Omaha Steaks – let’s see them try and outsource that American classic! What’s that? Oh, really – Argentina, huh? Didn’t save them from economic ruin twice in 15 years, you say? Ok, maybe White Castle, then. Continue Reading »

When the times get tough, those who want to seem tough go to Indiana. Is there a  more hard-working, blue-collar, down-to-earth, Cougar Mellencampy, Footloose state out there? The Hoosier state is stump speech heaven, which is why Obama went there Monday to avoid a premature political death. As if that weren’t enough, Obama went on primetime TV to address the nation, again.  Someone should tell the President we’re all watching Hulu now. Continue Reading »

“You guys are all pricks, we’re going camping, and this time you’re not invited!” President Obama shouted as he climbed into Marine One for his first trip to Camp David for the weekend, after his attempt at shiny, happy bipartisanship went down in flames and Mitch McConnell and Nancy Pelosi continued into the 79th hour of their Ultimate Fighting Championship death match in the banquet room of the National Press Club. Pelosi’s mastery of the ancient Bhutanese art of Qiang Gong has been impressive, but the steel rod in McConnell’s leg has proven to be a valuable weapon. Continue Reading »

He’s a busy boy, our Barry. On Thursday #44 created the office of faith-based initiatives – and this time it’ll actually do more than teach kids that sex is evil in all forms until you’re married. Welcome to the age of faith-based fornication! Oh wait, apparently that’s not quite what it’s about either… We’ll have to get back to you on that one.  Let’s see what else… Looks like BO also had a little problem involving his labor nominee and some tax problems. Maybe just throw that one over there with the others, we’re all spent on tax evasion jokes (can we deduct that expense?)… Finally, the Prez wrapped up his day with his first flight on Air Force One to a Democratic conference where he beat down Republicans with his hopestick. Continue Reading »

Flickr: diongillard

The commander-in-chief
gets both his stimulus and his drink on after completing his first full week in office – Obama’s stimulus package passed the House in the afternoon, and the President invited Congressional leaders for cocktails at the White House. The Secret Service has been instructed to keep Nancy Pelosi away from the tequila, and to save the worm for Joe Biden to add to his collection of folksy “let me tell you about this one time I ate the worm” anecdotes. Continue Reading »

Today, the one who would be all things to all people spoke directly to two groups of people that we think might be completely free of any overlap – the Muslim World and Republicans.

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With almost as much momentum as the bank-owned armored trucks that have driven the American Dream off a very high cliff in the last year, the Obama administration kept on rolling into its first weekend.

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